How I Lost the Pregnancy Weight Doing the Barnyard Dance!

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How I Lost the Pregnancy Weight Doing the Barnyard Dance!

I’m just gonna say it:

I’m struggling with the postpartum bod. 

It comes in waves.

Moments when I watch my daughter sleeping or playing or delicately trying to eat a clump of dog hair off of the couch, I am filled with awe at what my body has created and brought into the world.

She is a precious miracle. An absolute blessing. It truly boggles the mind, doesn’t it?

And then in many other moments that occur at more frequent intervals throughout the day, I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and wonder when upper arm cellulite became a thing.

…Or when all of the varicose veins from pregnancy will finally fade (Never, right? The answer is never).

…Or when my back will stop feeling like a stretched rubber band, ready to snap.

…Or when people will stop asking me when the baby is due, despite the fact that I am currently holding a baby.

When? WHEN WILL IT STOP?

(Never, right? The answer is never.)

I missed the old me. The old me, who, yes, still had cellulite but could at least wear pants with a zipper.

It was time to bring fitness back.

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Mom Life Monday: Mother Haggard’s Ideal Outfit

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Mom Life Monday

By now, you have probably learned that I have a keen sense of fashion. A distinct personal style. A look that is at once both extremely sexy and utterly baffling, with just a touch of elasticized ankle.

It is true. And motherhood has only upped my fashion game.

Since starting the OOTD series, I’ve been inundated with emails from readers with questions about my sense of style.

READER Q & A

Q: Where did you get those huge, red sweatpants? I have to find a pair! — Joanna, Oshawa

A: They’re pretty great, huh? So versatile! Well, Joanna, I could have sworn that they were Dior, but when I went to check the label, it said Hanes Her Way. So, frankly, I’m a little confused. We’ll just assume they’re Dior.

Q: Love that Big Potato shirt. Can I substitute a t-shirt with another huge vegetable on it and achieve the same look?—Velvet, Toronto

A: Thanks, Velvet! And no.

Q: I’m super into the elf sock look but am nervous that I can’t pull it off! What’s your secret?—Christina, Antigonish

A: I feel you, Christina! It’s a tough look to pull off. The secret is to just provide a HINT of elf. Anything more is just too much elf. Hope that helps!

Q: You seem to be taking a lot of pictures in the garbage alley lately. Can you come inside so we can eat dinner?—My Husband, Living Room

A: Hi, dear. Be right there. You can start on the cereal without me.

And on and on the questions go. Quite exhausting, really.

I thought I’d perhaps save a few readers the trouble of emailing and walk you through my ideal outfit.

Shall we?

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Mom Life Monday 12: 5 Things I’ve Lost to Mom Brain (…and the 5 Things I’ve Gained)

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Mom Life Monday: Mom Brain Edition

In the words of Homer Simpson, “Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?”

Yes, Homer, I do.

Actually, I don’t, because I don’t remember anything anymore, but that’s okay.

I’ve got a case of the mom brain. And I got it badddd. 

Is it because of the overwhelming responsibility of keeping another human being alive? Or because I haven’t slept in two years? Or perhaps because I exist purely on sugar now?

I don’t know. But I DO know the ranking of my daughter’s favorite colors of Play-Doh, so that’s good, right?

Here are the 5 Things I’ve Lost to Mom Brain (…and the 5 Things I’ve Gained).

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A Day in the Life of a Stay-at-Home Mom

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I have worked many jobs in my day.

My first job was a grocery store cashier when I was fourteen. I wore a mint green vest and a floppy clip-on bow tie. (Publix: Where Shopping is a Pleasure.)

I once worked at a university campus during the summer, and one day a week, my job was to walk around the campus and flush every toilet. An entire day spent each week just flushing toilets. (I eventually grew to love it and I still have not ruled it out as a potential career one day.)

An indie coffee shop that I romanticized in my head, but in reality the owners would take pictures of the crumbs that I missed when sweeping and email them to me at home.

A hip barber shop where I had to talk about things like beard trims way too seriously for my liking.

I’ve worked in many, many different offices. Real estate law. Entertainment. Alumni Services. Property Management.

Out of all of these jobs, in all of those fields, I can safely say that none of them kick my ass as much as being a stay-at-home mom does. It’s like the weirdest, most demanding unpaid internship ever, with either the best boss or the worst boss, depending on how many naps have occurred that day.

Feel like taking a closer look?

Come join me and my daughter Lucy for a day! Don’t wear anything nice. Ignore the barking dog. Don’t try to pet the cat. And bring some something sweet, please.

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