By now, you have probably learned that I have a keen sense of fashion. A distinct personal style. A look that is at once both extremely sexy and utterly baffling, with just a touch of elasticized ankle.
It is true. And motherhood has only upped my fashion game.
Since starting the OOTD series, I’ve been inundated with emails from readers with questions about my sense of style.
READER Q & A
Q: Where did you get those huge, red sweatpants? I have to find a pair! — Joanna, Oshawa
A: They’re pretty great, huh? So versatile! Well, Joanna, I could have sworn that they were Dior, but when I went to check the label, it said Hanes Her Way. So, frankly, I’m a little confused. We’ll just assume they’re Dior.
Q: Love that Big Potato shirt. Can I substitute a t-shirt with another huge vegetable on it and achieve the same look?—Velvet, Toronto
A: Thanks, Velvet! And no.
Q: I’m super into the elf sock look but am nervous that I can’t pull it off! What’s your secret?—Christina, Antigonish
A: I feel you, Christina! It’s a tough look to pull off. The secret is to just provide a HINT of elf. Anything more is just too much elf. Hope that helps!
Q: You seem to be taking a lot of pictures in the garbage alley lately. Can you come inside so we can eat dinner?—My Husband, Living Room
A: Hi, dear. Be right there. You can start on the cereal without me.
And on and on the questions go. Quite exhausting, really.
I thought I’d perhaps save a few readers the trouble of emailing and walk you through my ideal outfit.
Shall we?
MOTHER HAGGARD’S IDEAL OUTFIT
It must contain:
- Long, flowing sleeves
- A loose neckline, with easy access for nursing
- A shirt length that travels at least to upper thigh and covers the butt
- Baggy, flowing pants with an elastic waistband/silk drawstring of sorts; perhaps the type that a genie would wear
- No zippers or buttons
- A high waist that covers the gut and also does not reveal butt crack upon bending over (do these pants exist? please tell me ASAP if so)
- Polka dots and dog graphics are acceptable
- Entire outfit should be comprised of a soft, fleecy material because I am always cold
- Fuzzy socks
…So basically it seems I am describing a blanket. I wish to be wearing a blanket at all times.
This… is an accurate statement.
My fashion-forward readers, what’s your ideal outfit?
Do you like wearing blankets like me?
Would you like to get in on my upcoming order of Snuggies? (I think we can nab a bulk discount if we buy 200 or more! Just specify the color you want—I’m going with 75 in Robin’s Egg Blue.)
Also, if you have a question you’d like answered in the next Q & A, just leave it in the comments! NO MORE ELF SOCK QUESTIONS, PLEASE!
I like to wear comfortable clothes that also make our rural neighbors dinner conversation more lively. Pass the gravy, and did you see what that obscene woman across the road was wearing? I’m pretty positive and was free-boobin, and for the love of all things holy, does she not know what real, honest pants are?!
Oh man, YES. Those first few months with a new baby bring out some pretty wild ensembles. Huge t-shirts (or no shirts) for nursing 24 hours a day. Nursing tanks. So much mens’ flannel. I think I lived in a large mens’ flannel button-up paired with Hawaiian print harem-style pants for a good two weeks. Oh, and my bathrobe. Definitely would have freaked my neighbors out, had I ever left the house (which I did not).