That first year as a new mom is a completely life-altering experience.
Holding your baby for the first time.
Just living off of that sweet new baby scent.
Soft, quiet, blissed-out cuddles.
The first smile. That first laugh. The first word. (Seriously, “dog”? I CREATED YOU)
There is absolute joy beyond measure.
I mean, come ON. Just look at that face.
But man, if it isn’t also one of the toughest years of your life.
And maybe you’re in a phase right now where it’s more tears than smiles.
Where you’re ending each day feeling like a failure and also like you stress-ate an entire cake on the couch while Googling “whatever happened to the cast of Family Matters?” (Just an example, okay? Just an example.)
Maybe you need to read that it’s okay if you feel like you’re struggling, and HARD.
That it’s okay if you feel like you aren’t a natural at being a mother.
That it’s okay to want a break. To feel like you’re not strong enough. To count the hours until bed time. To not embrace every single moment, because holy cow, that’s a lot of moments.
For those of you currently in the trenches, let’s talk about the struggle.
Here are the seven biggest struggles that I faced as a new mom.
1.) PHYSICAL RECOVERY FROM BIRTH
Sure, I had read a few articles about postpartum recovery before I had the baby. Nothing compared to the 900 birth stories I obsessively read, but I got the gist.
-Kegels during pregnancy? Check.
-Freezer meals ready to go in the freezer? Check. (Okay, three freezer meals and one was just a batch of chocolate chip muffins. Still counts.)
-Witch hazel, stool softener and gigantic maxi pads? Check, check, check.
I even packed a nice robe to wear in the hospital so I could feel put together after the birth.
As it turned out, I wasn’t so much concerned with looking pretty as I was with being able to sit upright without crying.
Post-birth, I was a wreck.
Mentally, physically, failed-epidural-24-hours-of-labor-eventual-c-sectionally WRECKED.
I barely remember the two-day stay at the hospital, except for:
-Crying whenever I had to adjust the hospital bed, feed the baby or move in the slightest
-A nurse coming into our room at 4AM to show me how to give the baby a bath after I had been awake for 48 straight hours
-A delivery man wandering into our room with a large bouquet of flowers, peering at my still-huge stomach and wondering out loud, “Hmm…these flowers are supposed to be for after the baby’s born. Looks like that hasn’t happened yet.” (GET OUT OF HERE, TED, I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU GIVE BIRTH)
I thought that things would be better once I returned home.
And they were, kind of, because I had my own bed and no one chastising me for not walking the halls approximately five minutes after giving birth. But still? Everything hurt.
My limbs were swollen and hard as rock due to all of the fluids and meds that were pumped into me during labor.
I couldn’t step into the shower, get out of bed or even sit down to pee without help.
I didn’t sleep much, due to the whole newborn baby part, but when I did, I had weird, nightmarish dreams, including one where I ate a lizard. (This dream may in fact have been my single biggest struggle as a new mom.)
And the best part of all of this was setting an alarm to remind me to take an extra-strength Tylenol every three hours. The same Tylenol that I would have taken with “Oh man, my head kinda hurts today” was now the only medication I had to help my battered, bruised and bloody (so…much…blood) body.
This photo was taken on my third day home.
Look closely.
This is the face of someone who is trying to enjoy that newborn bliss she read so much about, but is scared to hold a baby and currently doesn’t know what planet she’s on.
I knew the postpartum recovery would be hard.
I just didn’t know it would be that hard.
My words of advice?
Prepare yourself for the possibility that you may indeed have a C-section, even if you don’t want one. You might need help walking, showering and holding the baby, so make sure you’ve planned for that beforehand.
And maybe make four freezer meals, because three didn’t get me very far.
2.) SLEEP DEPRIVATION
Well, duh.
This one’s a given, right? You have a baby, you’re gonna be tired.
I hadn’t been super worried about this beforehand. I’d survived on little sleep for years. I stayed up late, woke up early, and felt like I slept about 30 minutes total during my third trimester of pregnancy—surely things couldn’t be THAT different with a baby, right?
HAHA. Oh, I was so cute well-rested back then.
Things are definitely THAT different with a baby.
Sleep deprivation gives you a kind of tunnel vision: the only thought running through your brain on repeat is “I AM SO, SO TIRED.”
I remember mornings when my entire body felt like it was going haywire: eyes twitching, limbs vibrating, stomach nauseous, head engulfed in fog.
Mornings when I wanted to weep the second I woke up and realized that I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep for a very long time. (Just a heads up: “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is not a real thing.)
And evenings when I felt that sick feeling, almost fear, creep into the pit of my stomach as soon as the sun started to set, knowing that the nighttime circus of waking up every two hours to feed the baby would soon begin.
I cried a lot. I had no patience. I was not very pleasant to be around.
If anyone else dared to mention that they were feeling tired, I would have to stop myself from screaming, “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TIRED IS.” (Sorry about that, y’all. Other people can be tired, too.)
So what helped me cope with the sleep deprivation?
Friends, you’re asking the wrong person here. I AM Mother Haggard, after all.
Clearly it’s a battle I have fought, read a million websites about baby sleep, fallen deep into the black hole of some pretty weird sleep forum threads, tried sleep tracking apps, fought some more, and then slowly accepted defeat.
But I can offer a few meager scraps:
-In the very early days, if at all possible, try taking shifts with your partner/mom/friend/whoever is willing to help you, so you can both hopefully get at least a good 2-3 hour chunk of unbroken sleep.
-Around three months old, we started using Baby Merlin’s Magic Sleep Suit, and for us, it really was magic. Not like 12 hours of sleep in a row magic, but like a good five or six hour stretch, which felt like a freakin’ day at the spa. (Plus, it’s pretty cute to see your baby dressed up like a little snowman.)
-PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BABY’S AWAKE TIME!
Why don’t more baby books talk about this? Awake time is the maximum amount of time your baby can be awake before needing to sleep again. Once you pass that awake time, your baby will usually enter into over-tired territory and become much harder to put down, and will also sleep poorly.
It took me so many months to figure this one out. When I finally started tracking my daughter’s awake times and realizing that I could get her to fall asleep for a nap without 1-2 hours of struggling beforehand, I wanted to cry from relief. Pretty sure I actually did.
But besides these things, it was mostly just time. Time and so, so much coffee.
We’re at almost two years now and while we’re (mostly…kind of…) sleeping through the night, I still feel exhausted. Does that ever go away? Not sure.
Worth it.
3.) ANXIETY
Oh, anxiety. You wretched, wretched beast.
Pre-baby, I was lucky enough to live a life relatively free of anxiety.
Sure, I worried about things, and yes, certain activities like public speaking/jaywalking made me want to die, but on the whole, I felt like a pretty chill person.
Post-baby?
I was welcomed into a brand new world that I never knew existed.
A world where my brain seemed to have turned against me.
Me: I’m really nervous about introducing solids and finger foods to the baby.
Brain: Have you tried reading 3,000 articles about choking? That oughta help. Also, you should probably spend a good chunk of time thinking about the possibility of YOU choking on something when home alone with the baby. Let’s slot that in for 3AM this morning, sound good?
Me: I sure wish I didn’t have to carry the baby up and down four flights of stairs every day.
Brain: I know you haven’t fallen down the stairs—YET—but let’s go over every single possible thing that can go wrong while carrying a baby on the stairs. Option 1: You sneeze and miss a step…
Me: Shouldn’t the baby have more teeth by now?
Brain: She will NEVER get teeth and it’s because you drank coffee in your third trimester. Hey, maybe we should try on some of your old pants now to see if they fit yet. Just for fun!
It’s hard to know when anxiety crosses the line into being excessive.
All new parents are nervous, right? You’re now responsible for the mind-blowing task of keeping another human being alive. Why is this allowed to happen? It’s terrifying!
It’s expected that you’ll be constantly checking to see if your baby is breathing, or concerned if she’s eating enough, or stressed trying to put her on a proper sleep schedule.
But what if the anxiety just….stays?
THINGS THAT ARE LOGICAL TO WORRY ABOUT
-SIDS
-Your family’s wellbeing and safety
-Your financial stability
THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT BE WORRYING ABOUT AT 2:43AM
-If someone in your apartment building has a pet snake and it escapes its cage and slithers through the pipes into your apartment. (This happens, okay? I’ve read at least one article where it happens.)
-What you would pack for the baby if you only had five minutes to evacuate your apartment before an unspecified disaster (Three sleepers should be okay, right? And she’s not really into the blocks so much anymore, so I won’t grab those…maybe the Mickey Mouse doll? OH AND DIAPERS!!!)
-The idea that your baby could, in 16 years, decide that she wants to ride a motorcycle. Or, even worse, that in three years, she will start kindergarten.
My anxiety has slightly lessened over time, but I’m still an anxious mother.
I have no chill. I want to be the cool, relaxed mom, but I just can’t.
If you happen to run into me at the playground, (I’ll be the one in black leggings covered with dog hair) just know that I’m trying hard to hold back a “Ohh, be careful. Careful!” every five seconds. Especially if my toddler is running while holding a stick.
Real talk: if you think you may have Postpartum Anxiety, book an appointment with your OB/family doctor ASAP. Even if you’re afraid they’ll weigh you.
4.) FINDING MY NEW IDENTITY
I was completely, utterly consumed by becoming a mother.
Motherhood swallowed me whole.
The shift happened somewhere between a rough, vomity pregnancy and that first month with the baby, where everything is hazy and I showered maybe four times.
The old me is in there somewhere, right? I wondered, while folding a pile of baby laundry, listening to a podcast about baby sleep cycles and singing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” out loud without realizing it.
But it sure didn’t feel like it.
None of my old clothes fit. I no longer ate meals sitting down. I didn’t care about anything but if the baby was healthy and sleeping well, even though I was living on caffeine and sugar and sleeping horribly.
I didn’t want to become the mom stereotype of leggings, messy bun and perpetually frazzled expression, but there I was. Dirty leggings. Greasy hair. Overwhelmed to the max. A stay-at-home mom slowly going insane by spending all of my time talking to my baby and my dog and Googling puree recipes.
At one point in my life, my goal was to hike the Appalachian Trail by myself.
Now my main goal was to make it through a ten minute grocery shop with no meltdowns.
I missed the old me.
Where did she go? Was she gone forever? And why did she think it was important to spend forty minutes crafting a Santa beard out of cotton balls? All valid questions.
I’ll feel like my old self again when the baby sleeps better, I told myself.
…Or when I lost the baby weight.
…Or when I got into a better routine.
…Or when I found the right group of mom friends.
…Or when the baby started solids and I wasn’t nursing all of the time.
…Or when the baby could walk and I didn’t have to carry her everywhere.
…Or when I stopped nursing entirely.
But you know what? These milestones came and went, and that magic moment of suddenly feeling like my old self again just didn’t happen.
It took me a long time to realize that it never would.
I don’t mean that in a discouraging way. I really don’t.
Yes, the old you is still in there somewhere, but there’s also a new you, complete with a re-wired brain (oh hey, decreased grey matter! How ya doin’?!). And the two have to mingle and mix and grow together to navigate a new NEW you, who is a mom and also a fully-formed person who enjoys baking and talking about Russian literature (okay, this isn’t me, necessarily, but maybe it’s some of you).
So while I might not be hiking the Appalachian Trail with my toddler anytime soon (which frankly sounds like some kind of horror movie), I can join a Mom and Baby hiking group to enjoy the outdoors. (Or, more likely, I can go on long stroller walks while I mutter to myself how hot it is outside and complain out loud to no one about how my stroller doesn’t have a cup holder.)
A few things that helped me feel more human along the way?
-Taking regular showers (sounds small, but it’s hard to do in those early days/weeks/months).
-Trying to have a weekly date to look forward to, whether it be a coffee date with mom friends and babies, a stroll around the block with your partner, taking the baby to a different park or library, whatever it is that will be enjoyable and GET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE.
-And most importantly, easing back into the things you love that bring you joy.
For me, this was starting to read again instead of watching Netflix, and diving back into creative writing. (I’m betting that about 95 percent of mom blogs are started by moms tired of only thinking about teething and sleep regressions.)
5.) POSTPARTUM BODY
Let’s just say I didn’t quite “bounce back” to my pre-pregnancy body.
It’s been more of a “struggling, clawing, slogging back” and it’s a journey that is ongoing.
My pre-pregnancy clothes hang in the closet, slowly becoming encased in cobwebs. Some of them fit. Most do not. And those that do, fit differently.
Because everything in this postpartum body feels different.
-My hair, once my pride and joy (KIDDING it’s just brown hair) fell out in large clumps for months, and what is left is now more of a greasy nuisance that is immediately pulled into a high ponytail.
-My wrists and hands ache from leftover Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from my pregnancy.
-Mom gut, mom pooch, mummy tummy (has a more awful name for anything ever existed?! Ugh)? YUP! I got it all, and can grab it by the fistful. And while I can feel the muscle deep underneath, it’s like its hibernating until further notice.
-My feet have remained a bigger size, and shortly after bringing the baby home, became afflicted with SIX ingrown toenails at the same time. (Did you know that this could happen after pregnancy? Me neither! What fun!)
-My back? Destroyed. Just…destroyed. I had never experienced back pain until pregnancy, and now I finally understood why people who have back pain are always talking about it. I am incapable of moving from a sitting to standing position without uttering, “Ow, my back.”
My upper body feels bigger. My lower body feels bigger. EVERYTHING feels bigger (except for my brain).
And YES, I am totally on board with postpartum body pride. Absolutely. To have the opportunity and good fortune to become pregnant and create and birth a human being is not something I take for granted.
Tiger stripes? Hell yeah. Women are freakin’ warriors. C-section scar? A mere battle wound from the most important day of my life.
But to struggle with your postpartum body isn’t about being vain.
It’s hard to be in a body that doesn’t feel like your own.
I miss the familiarity I used to have—knowing that I could pick up a heavy object without feeling a sudden spasm in my lower back. Feeling confident that I could do a 45 minute kickboxing class without keeling over/splitting my pants. Being able to walk past a scale without feeling the urge to give it the middle finger.
It’s fine. I know I can get back to feeling strong and confident and kick-ass like Buffy the Vampire Slayer (What? We all have our own fitness goals). I mean, probably not while I’m in the unfortunate habit of eating ice cream every night as a reward simply for making it through the day, but maybe someday soon.
My tips on dealing with postpartum body acceptance?
Girl. Please.
It’s been a rocky road (quite literally, there has been a lot of Rocky Road) since my OB so kindly announced, “Wow, you gained a whole whack of weight this month!” at one of my early pregnancy appointments. (Surely there’s a better way to phrase this that doesn’t make your patient go cry in the car afterwards, no?)
But here’s the plan that I’m trying to follow:
-Eat healthy whole foods that make you feel good.
-Don’t eat cake and ice cream every single night.
-Buy some pants that actually fit.
–Liposuction Yoga??
-Be kind.
-And allow yourself some grace: you created a baby with that body, and are now nurturing, protecting and caring for a baby with that body.
That’s a pretty amazing thing.
6.) NEW RELATIONSHIPS
Friendships are hard as an adult.
And once you throw a baby or two into the mix? Very, very hard.
I found the transition into motherhood (and especially becoming a stay-at-home mom) left me aching for fellow mothers I could relate to.
My social circle seemed to have suddenly shrunk and now consisted of my baby, my husband, my dog and the cast of The Office, which was viewed daily on Netflix. (It’s fine to count fictional TV characters as your dearest friends, isn’t it?)
Where was my mom crew? I wondered. Contemporary films led me to believe I was promised a mom crew.
I tried a few mom and baby classes.
I did baby swim.
I went to the library. Practically lived at the grocery store and playground.
But despite meeting many moms, we never quite moved past polite conversation.
Maybe it was because I was so desperate to make mom friends that I instantly tried to jump into month three of the friendship approximately 30 seconds after meeting.
“Hi there, is this your son? He’s so cute! How old? Oh, neat. My daughter is just a bit older. So are you having trouble redefining your identity as a new mom? Are you satisfied with your birthing experience? And how’s your body confidence these days?”
Even navigating my old friendships was challenging.
Trying to hang with your childless pals?
Sweet! It’s always wonderful to see old friends.
But you’ve been deep in the baby bubble for months and your biggest news is that tummy time is going great. (Well, not “great” but not “screaming hysterically” anymore, so that’s pretty good.)
You also seem to be having trouble stringing a coherent sentence together and keep catching yourself singing your baby’s favorite songs out loud.
Wanna hang with that one mom friend you met on the playground who didn’t slowly back away when you asked her if all of her hair was falling out, too?
Great! As long as it doesn’t interfere with nap time, because your baby is not so much a go-with-the-flow kinda napper.
Oh, and wait. Your child has suddenly come down with a cold, so looks like you won’t be going on that play date today.
And now your friend’s kid has the flu? Okay, we’ll reschedule the coffee.
Now we ALL have Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease and are basically dead and also some kind of hardcore teething and lots of screaming is occurring?
Okay. We’ll just see each other at our kids’ high school graduation.
At least Michael Scott is always there for me. And cake. (Wait no I forgot I’m not supposed to be eating cake DAMMIT.)
7.) NEW PERSPECTIVES
Not only had my brain and body changed, everything else around seemed to have as well.
With my new mom senses, I started to notice strange things.
Small things.
The volume of my apartment building, which apparently also doubles as a take-off zone for 747s.
The amount of times that my dog barks in a single day (so, so many times. And ALWAYS during nap time).
That I am no longer capable of listening to Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely” without weeping.
Medium things.
That maybe it would be nice to have a backyard to play in with the baby instead of a garbage alley.
That my pre-baby fantasy of taking leisurely strolls to the local farmer’s market, cheese shop, butcher shop and bakery like the French people do is not actually a very relaxing thing to do with a baby.
The amount of subway stations that don’t have elevators, and how hard it is to travel with a baby. (But seriously—this ain’t right.)
And bigger things.
That the city I live in is too expensive and I cannot afford a future here.
Crime.
Violence.
A newfound fear of white vans driving by while I am on the sidewalk.
And basically, you know, just a general fear of the world ending.
How to deal with the despair?
Oh boy. This is a tricky one.
I mean, it’s not fretting about the size of your upper arms; it’s actively worrying about our world and the world our children will inherit, which ain’t looking too great these days.
Besides isolating myself in a bubble, pretending that my life is a musical, and trying to stay positive, I’m still working on it.
Mostly, I’ve found it very helpful to spend vast amounts of time on real estate sites looking at old farmhouses for sale on Prince Edward Island, and then emailing the listings to my spouse while he is at work. You might not think that this will be helpful, but try it—you’ll be surprised! Or confused. Whatever. Either works.
And there you have it: from tight pants to world destruction, my biggest struggles as a new mom.
(And by the way, my child is almost two and I still consider myself a new mom.)
There are so many ups and downs in this wild journey of motherhood.
From sheer joy to utter exhaustion, this gig has got it all and usually in the same day/hour.
But if you’re feeling more down than up and wondering why that mom of three seems to have it together while you’re flailing with one (*raises hand*), know that you’re not alone with your struggles.
I’m telling you: it’s hard.
I’m still struggling. There are bed time battles. Meltdowns. Lost tempers. Miscommunications over the proper way to open a container of applesauce.
But while some parts become harder, others become easier. And there are so, so many good parts ahead.
So when you find yourself questioning if you’re strong enough to handle this, just know this: you are. You may not feel like it, ever, but you are. You got this.
And hey, if you need a mom friend and happen to see me on the playground (likely struggling to hold a deep squat while my child gazes at a rock), come on over. I’d love to make a coffee date, reschedule it seven times and eventually give up and cancel it with you. Anytime.
Love this! Hilarious read and spot on with all the new mom struggles. You’re an awesome mama!!
Thank you, Rosie! Motherhood is a tough gig, as you VERY well know, but it has its perks. Today I was drinking my coffee out of a Waiting for Guffman mug featuring Corky St Clair, and Lucy pointed to him and said, “That’s Mama.” So yeah, moments like that make it worth all the while, ya know?
Dear Ma H, I always have a laugh reading your posts, but this one also moved me quite a bit. You’ll always be the person who would spend time fashioning a Santa beard out of cotton balls if given the chance! This I know. You’ll always have your passions, your loves, your propensities towards fun and humour and books and dancing – even if you haven’t the time, energy, or will to enact them right now, you will infuse your daughter with them and she will possess many of the qualities we all love in you! And the fears and anxieties are natural to anyone who cares about the state of our world and wants things to be better – those fears won’t control you though. You’ll transcend them with love and that positive energy you always emit! But a farm house in PEI wouldn’t hurt either. I’ll join y’all there! xox
Aw jeez, Miche. I should have also mentioned that since becoming a mom, I tear up at the drop of a hat and have basically become an ol’ softie like you. What a kind message to receive. I’ve already started fashioning you a Santa beard to show my gratitude. It has certainly been a challenging transition into motherhood, but I think it’s supposed to be that way (well, maybe not the anxiety about snakes creeping into my apartment so much but what are you gonna do) and the rewards (aka Lucy) are bountiful. Overflowing. Dream baby to the max.
We’ll see ya in PEI—don’t forget snacks for the 16 hour drive there!
Anxiety, exhaustion, and relationships!!!
1) I’m always so nervous about my kids getting hurt running (just imaging a 1 and 2 year old running..like child please you just learned how to walk SMH) or spilling a bunch of crumbs on my freshly mopped floors. I don’t know when or how I got like this but I’m pretty sure it all happened once I had kids! It’s tough to deal with and I try to be that “zen” mom but like you I just want to scream out BE CAREFUL!
2) Postpartum exhaustion IS REAL. I don’t even really remember those first couple of months (months 1-2) after my firstborn was born. My brain was in such a thick heavy fog. After my 2nd I knew what to expect so it wasn’t that bad but still…
3) I have VERY FEW friends who don’t have children. I just feel like I can’t relate anymore and it’s just so sad…And to be honest I’d rather not have to explain why I have 40 different outfits packed in my diaper bag and 20 different snacks. My mom friends get it…Other do not. I still love them though…it’s just a little different though.
This post is SO REAL. So well written and HILARIOUS. And those gradual close up pics for #1…LOL!!!
Ps: your baby girl is so cute!!
Yes to everything you just said! Every time my daughter runs (which is ALL THE TIME; she never moves at a pace slower than running now) I’m just cringing inside and picturing her falling face first into the floor, or into a tree, or the table, or whatever object is nearby. I hate it. I want her to run and be free to explore and have fun but I can’t shake the nerves! Ugh. Helicopter mom life is not the most fun (hate that term, btw).
And oh boy, I hear ya loud and clear on the friendships. It’s really hard when you’re in different life phases. It’s so nice to be able to say to one of your mom friends, “I’m having a rough day because my baby won’t nap” and they know EXACTLY what you’re going through. Like you said: you still love the old pals, it’s just a little different.
Thanks so much for commenting and for your kind words–your comments always make me laugh and brighten my day. (Because did I mention that I’m having a rough day because my baby won’t nap?!? Gah.)
I literally love this post!! I wish I could hit the love button like a million times!! I laughed through the whole thing. New mom life is super hard. I had my daughter 7 months ago and had to go back to work. Just yesterday I thought I was losing it because I cried dropping my daughter off. AGAIN. Postpartum is so much harder than I ever thought. I still feel like my emotions are raging at times.
It is super hard to hang out with friends that don’t have kids. The one weird thing to me has been my friends that have kids don’t even want to talk to me or get together. What in the world! But I’m finding this is part of new mom life. Or growing up.
Hi Lindsay! So glad you liked the post. YES new mom life is so hard. Like, so hard. And just as you start to feel like you’ve got a grip on things, a new phase begins and you’re knocked on your ass again (oh hey, sleep regressions. Teething. Nap strikes. WALKING). It’s a mental roller coaster for sure.
I’m sorry it’s been so hard returning to work–my heart hurt reading that! I’m sending you some good vibes. And chocolate.
Socializing once you have kids is so strange. I pretty much just don’t do it anymore—I just stay in my bubble, which is easy but not great. I thought I would be having playdates all of the time with my mom friends (okay, mom FRIEND, I only have one) but it’s just so hard to get together and coordinate the nap times and the transportation and everything that it just doesn’t happen much. Sigh. Life does get hard as you grow up, doesn’t it?
But thanks so much for stopping by and for your kind comment. Come by again and we can be mom blog friends!
This is awesome! You so perfectly describe how all of us feel as new moms 🙂 Thankfully, it gets better when they are, like 3 or something 🙂
Thank you, Sarah! Life as a new mom is so very strange–such joy and wonder coupled with so much anxiety and fear. My daughter is almost 2 now and it’s such a different ball game. New struggles, but so many hilarious toddler moments. I can only imagine what 3 will bring! (I’ll admit that the word “threenager” sends the tiniest of shivers down my spine…)
This was so honest and funny and heart wrenching and oh god I really needed to read this today. I’m a hot mess of a mama today and this was incredibly comforting. Thank you, Samantha!
Oh Dallas, thank YOU for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Funnily enough, your comment came in on a day when I was having a real hot mess mom day myself (…having a lot of those days lately, to be honest), and it instantly made me feel comforted as well. It’s one tough gig, ya know? I hope you’re having a better time of it now, but if you ever wanna chat/vent/anything, please feel free to send me a message, anytime! 🙂
I am lying here, in bed with my 5-month-old son, crying, but not only from exhaustion and the feeling of being a total failure, no, I cry from relief! I really thought I am the only one struggling being a mom! I also had a c-section after 25 hours and am still not fully recovered – I can’t feel on every part of my tummy 🙁
Thank you so so soooooooooo much for your words. They helped me a lot and mean the world to me!! You’re an angel!
THANK YOU! God bless you and your little one!
Sabine
Ps: if I wouldn’t live in Austria, I’d love to have a coffee-date with you – without rescheduling or cancelling it!
Sabine, what a message to receive. It came at a really good time, as I’m days away from having baby #2 (gah!) and I’m huge and tired and motherhood has been especially hard in this season (quarantined in the global pandemic season, you know the one). Your words have helped ME and brought me a little bit of sunlight on a gloomy day. I hope you and your babe are doing okay, and if you ever come to Toronto (or me to Austria–which I would LOVE to do!!), our coffee date is totally happening, for real!
This is beautifully written. I really really needed to read something that didn’t make me feel like a complete failure of a mom (during some postpartum anxiety at 3am) and this hit the spot. First time I’ve laughed since I brought my daughter home. (And I laughed very very hard…at 3am). Thank you. 🙂
Oh Rachel, I feel you on the 3am postpartum anxiety sessions so much…especially while trying to rock a wide-awake baby back to sleep while wanting nothing more than to return to your own bed. My second baby is six weeks old today, and you’d think those new mom struggles wouldn’t be around so much for the second, but I am totally in the trenches with you and have had a few good weeping sessions about…oh, everything (apparently I can no longer listen to the song “Danny Boy” without being destroyed. Good to know). Please know you’re not a complete failure as a mom; this is just the really, really, REALLY hard part. Feel free to message me anytime if you want to vent or need an ear. And thank YOU for this comment, which has helped me feel better about the current shitshow going on over here with a newborn and a 3 year old. YIKES.
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Oh my gosh I never comment on anything! But this had me weep laughing as my 7 month old poops in her high chair and I reevaluate my whole identity based on the greasy hair and sweats I am STILL overwearing…..you covered it all so hilariously truthfully here and I am a fan now. I really really needed to read this today. Thank you!
I really needed to read this. My baby is almost two months old, she screams when she isn’t being held, she won’t sleep in anything unless she’s being held…I feel like a disgusting grizzly greasy monster! My house is not clean to my pre pregnancy standards, which I will admit were a bit insane, but everything has changed, EVERYTHING! I love my daughter more than anything, ANYTHING…but I do find myself, even though I know better, comparing myself to those “moms who seem to have it all together” so as I search the internet to feel less alone in this crazy beautiful time I am so glad I came across your blog. Funny, smart, extremely relatable, and uplifting. THANK YOU!