How I Grew My Mom Blog’s Traffic From 0 to 20 Views in Five Months and How You Can, Too!

So, you want to start a mom blog, eh?

Or maybe just a good, old fashioned lifestyle blog.

That’s great! Once upon a time, I was just like you.

Sexy George Washington

And now, a mere six months after starting this blog, I am a changed woman.

I’m blogging full time. (Well, does 2-3 hours a day count? Maybe more if my toddler decides to nap?)

I’m making a ton of money from my blog. (Wait. No. Sorry. That should say I am SPENDING a ton of money on all of the junk food that I eat while working on my blog at night.)

I have a loyal fan base that will follow me to the ends of the earth. (Okay, YES, I may be related to all of them, but is that really relevant? Cool it, Columbo.)

Sounds amazing, right?

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Yes. It does.

And now I’m finally ready to reveal all of my blogging secrets to help YOU start your own blog!

I’m going to walk you through, step by step, exactly what I did to to grow my traffic into the tens of people over a very long period of time.

Are you ready for a lot of work and absolutely no monetary gain?!

LET’S DO THIS!

STEP ONE: SET UP YOUR BLOG

You can visit virtually any mom blog and find a page that will walk you through how to set up a blog using Bluehost, SiteGround, HostGator or whatever affiliate company they are working with.

I choose a WordPress blog hosted by Bluehost, signed up for the 50 year binding contract, and then immediately stumbled across at least 30 different articles all saying why I made the wrong choice.

Undeterred (well, slightly terred, I’ll admit, but nothing a few dozen rows of Oreos couldn’t fix), I then moved onto the all-consuming question:

WHAT WILL YOU NAME YOUR BLOG?

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I definitely recommend choosing a blog name that very closely resembles the name of a famous country singer. (Let’s say, just as an example, Merle Haggard.) This way, people will have to sift through 20 pages of Google results featuring Merle Haggard before they find a single one of your links.

It’s a bold marketing strategy, sure, but, judging from the amount of emails that I now receive about Merle Haggard, one that has clearly paid off.

Once I secured my blog name, I spent the next three weeks Googling literally every single part of setting up a blog on WordPress.

This was basically tantamount to learning a strange new language, which included words like:

  • Widget
  • Long tail keyword
  • Permalink
  • Search Engine Optimization (little did I know that SEO would soon consume every waking moment of my life…)
  • Slug
  • Alt Attribute
  • Blog
  • Meta Description
  • Sitemap
  • Gravatar
  • Website
  • Bounce rate
  • Computer
  • Lead Magnet
  • Internet

After I realized that I had stayed up until 3AM one night reading about essential widgets, I decided enough was enough.

It was time to move onto the next phase.

Takeaway Lesson: I still have no idea what a long tail keyword is. 

STEP TWO: CHOOSE A NICHE

This is perhaps the most important step of all—what are you going to write about? What do you LIKE writing about? Who will your future audience be?

Possible blog topics I considered:

-Adult Women Who Know Way Too Much About Sweet Valley High

-Pictures of Brownies and the People Who Like to Look at Them

Does Riverdance Still Exist and Can I Join? One Woman’s Quest to Find Out

But finally, I decided to narrow my focus and write about MOTHERHOOD.

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But motherhood is too broad of a niche.

NICHE DOWN, the big bloggers tell you. NICHE DOWN. (…Just…what? What are you saying? Is this a thing we say now?)

So I niched down and went with a humor blog about motherhood.

And not even like a funny yet still helpful blog about motherhood.

More like a blog where people come to it hoping to find practical advice about breastfeeding or sleep training, or Merle Haggard, and instead find a post asking which member of The Baby-Sitters Club would you hire or the 7 things that happen when you bring a toddler to the grocery store, as told in Supermarket Sweep gifs.

Keeping your niche in an ill-defined, unhelpful category allows your readers to leave your blog feeling confused, frustrated and also a little bit surprised that they ended up picking Mallory as their babysitter. (Wow! I’m surprised, too.)

Mallory Pike, Baby-Sitters Club

Takeaway Lesson: Don’t steal my idea about the brownie blog. 

STEP 3: CREATE CONTENT

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Now that I was set up with my new website and I was niched (noched?) right down, it was time to get to writing.

Content is everything, right?

Time and time again, I read that the best way to grow your blog’s audience is to create original, engaging content and to post consistently.

No problem, I thought, oddly confident for someone who has still not mastered consistent showering since the baby was born.

I’ll post three times a week. That’s reasonable. 

I started off well.

Bursting with ideas, ready to take on the blogging world and go viral on the Internet, I spent every spare second thinking about the blog, writing posts and researching how to make my blog better.

But after day 2,  the realities of daily life started to creep in.

It turned out I still needed to do annoying things like:

-Laundry

-Extremely basic housework to prevent my house from resembling a hovel

Walking the dog multiple times a day

-Feeding my child

-Showering Applying dry shampoo

-Talking to my husband

Sleeping 2-3 hours a night.

How in the world was I supposed to fit blogging into all of this?!

Then the solution came to me.

It was so brilliantly simple, so beautifully perfect, that I couldn’t help but rejoice.

I would stop doing laundry, cleaning and sleeping.

I devoted all of the time that I would have spent doing those pointless activities to blogging instead.

And sure enough, I could see my traffic start to increase. It spiked from one page view a day to FOUR views a day.

From this…

One Page View

 

…to THIS!

Four Page Views for Blog

I type this now, draped in a fitted sheet with potholders as socks, and I’ve never been happier.

Am I extremely itchy and covered in strange, red bumps?  YES

Is it true that my cat has gone missing somewhere in the piles of dirty laundry?   YES

Do I miss sleeping?  *HOWLS AT MOON WHILE FURIOUSLY SCRATCHING MYSTERIOUS RED BUMPS*

Who Needs Sleep, Anyway?

I now often find myself whispering, “I’ve never been better, I’ve never been better, I’ve never been better” while huddled in a corner clutching one of my daughter’s dolls. If that’s not thriving, I don’t know what is!

Takeaway Lesson: When out of clean clothes, you can easily fashion a nursing bra out of two tea towels, half of a shower curtain and 62 rubber bands. 

STEP FOUR:  PROMOTE, PROMOTE, PROMOTE

Okay, so now I had some killer content on my blog. Valuable information that would be of use to my readers.

But no one was reading it.

Like, literally no one.

Screenshot of Zero Views on Google Analytics

Which part of me was somewhat okay with, since self-promotion actually makes me despise myself, but another part of me really wanted more people (or hell, ANY people) to read my stuff and to like it.

No.

To LOVE it.

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It was time to try to promote my blog and get into the (totally overwhelming) world of SEO.

SEO=SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION

AKA Making your blog Google-friendly

The main tips for promoting a blog seemed to be:

JOIN SOCIAL MEDIA SITES, ESPECIALLY PINTEREST

I quickly learned that the mom blogging world is ALLLL about Pinterest.

As someone who had never delved into the Pinterest world before, I knew I had to learn it, and fast.

So I started an account, and developed my own pinning strategy, which can be broken down into three simple steps.

MOTHER HAGGARD’S 3 SIMPLE STEPS TO PINTEREST SUCCESS

1.) Spend many hours each evening scrolling through pins about minimalism, bullet journals, Disney travel tips and self-care.

2.) Send emails that will never be answered to the owners of group boards that I wish to join.

3.) Pin many, many pictures of desserts that I would like to eat.

This remains my Pinterest strategy to this day.

And seeing how my Pinterest followers have exploded to a whopping 106, I can safely say it’s working.

So Many Pinterest Desserts

START A FACEBOOK PAGE FOR YOUR BLOG

Facebook? I thought. I know Facebook! This will be a breeze!

Surely all of my friends will be just dying to join and comment and engage on my blog’s Facebook page.

I mean, why wouldn’t they? Everyone loves talking about teething and Elmo toys and postpartum fashion, right?

So I launched.

And I don’t want to be cliche and say that it was met with the sound of crickets, so…what’s something quieter than crickets? Maybe the sound of my exercise bike, which is currently rammed into the back of a closet?

But yeah. It was like that.

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It turns out that my Facebook Page strategy consisted of five simple steps:

1.) Posting my original content and waiting nervously for an hour for someone to interact with it.

When this does not happen, sending an emergency text to my sister saying, “Can you please comment on this? Maybe say it’s funny and you loved it?”

2.) Asking my mom to please like my posts, to which she says she will as soon as she remembers her password for “the Facebook.”

3.) Asking my dad to please stop commenting with unrelated subject matters, such as a comment reading “did you get uncle steve’s email, he would love to hear from you” on a post regarding postpartum fitness.

4.) Sharing other, way more popular bloggers’ posts, upon which they instantly receive 50 likes.

5.) Forgetting that I have a Facebook page for my blog and not updating it for ten days in a row.

Now, I’m still working out a few kinks in my Facebook Page strategy, such as the gaining of followers and all that, but I dare say that if you stick to these five steps EXACTLY, it should gain you about seven followers.

(And only six of them will be related to you!)

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BEFRIEND BLOGGERS IN YOUR NICHE

Makes sense, right? Find like-minded bloggers and interact with their work: share their posts, comment on their blog, send them a message, ask to collaborate, say hello.

I have to admit, I found this step a bit daunting.

It’s basically the blogger version of asking someone to be your friend. Which is awkward at the best of times, and, right now, as you shovel your toddler’s cold, leftover scrambled eggs into your mouth for dinner while picking Play-Doh off of your leggings, is not exactly your best of times.

Who Needs Sleep, Anyway?

“I’ve never been better, I’ve never been better, I’ve never been better.”

And since most of my free time on the Internet is spent either Googling variations of “WHY WON’T MY TODDLER NAP PLEASE HELP ME” or replying to Uncle Steve’s emails, I struggled to find blogs that I enjoyed and wanted to connect with, and then to draft considerate, sincere and witty comments that would hopefully lead to a friendship.

But once you make that first blogging friend? It’s a magical thing.

It’s totally worth all of the awkwardness you feel leaving a comment on a stranger’s blog, realizing six hours later that your comment had a typo, wanting to die, editing said comment at 2:31AM and then realizing your edited comment makes no sense, giving up and vowing to never comment again.

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Totally worth it, I swear.

(Shout out to my best blogging bud, Dirt Noise Joys, and our nightly chats about Tailwind, traffic and toddlers. Check out her wonderful, funny blog about raising six kids while living on a farm. )

Takeaway Lesson: If you ever need 73 Pinterest recipes for chocolate chip cookies, I’m your gal! 

STEP FIVE:  FEEL A GROWING SENSE OF ANXIETY THAT YOUR BLOG IS AWFUL AND IT WILL NEVER SUCCEED

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A word of warning: once you enter the blogging world, it can quickly consume you.

Thoughts of traffic, repins, income reports and followers will suddenly invade your every waking moment. (Which is like, so many moments, because your child now wakes up at 5AM EVERY SINGLE DAY for some reason.)

What’s going on? You wonder in despair. I’m doing all of the things I’m supposed to do!

I’m repinning pins about cake multiple times a day.

I’m posting stuff to my Facebook group which is mostly made up of my relatives.

I’m leaving highly-edited comments on other blogs.

I’m writing fun posts at least once a week unless my child is teething or not sleeping or I’m watching a true crime documentary series.

All of the other blogs I see seemed to make $6,000 in their first week of blogging and so far I’ve just gained 12 pounds!

WHY IS NOTHING HAPPENING?!

Friends, this is all a normal part of the blogging process. Don’t fret.

Keep this helpful saying in your mind: One day we will all be dust. 

Repeat 300x.

That should help keep things in perspective!

Also, tell your Aunt Mary to step up and start sharing your posts on Facebook. COME ON!

Takeaway Lesson: One day we will all be dust. 

STEP SIX: PERSEVERE 

Once you hit that first blogger crisis, there’s only one thing to do: keep going.

Keep learning, keep promoting, keep leaving those awkward comments and most of all, KEEP WRITING.

And if you do, I promise that one day, you too shall hit 20 page views in a single day after many months of hard work.

20 Page Views for Blog

Takeaway Lesson: It feels good at the top, my friends. 

And there you have it—my complete guide on how to go from zero to TWENTY page views for your blog in a mere five months. I hope you find it useful on your own blogging journey.

Let me know your own blogging tips and secrets!

And if you have questions about any of the steps (Q: do I HAVE to stop doing laundry, cleaning and sleeping? A: Yes), just let me know in the comments!

73 Comments

  1. Brittany July 4, 2018 at 3:34 am

    Ok. I’m so full of things I want to say right now. None of it seems adequate to express my glee after reading this post. Seriously. I have a grin that spans at least two thirds of my face.

    Blogging is hard. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m going to steal the brownie blog idea and make bank, but blogging is so hard. the best part so far? I mean, it could be the 90 cent return, or seeing my sub par pins on Pinterest, or realizing I still have no idea what an alt attribute is, but apparently my images are missing them…

    No. The best part is finding Merle Haggard, er Mother Haggard and sending her hilarious home workout videos. I’m pretty sure that actually is the highlight of my blog networking career.

    Keep it up, You are a talented, hilarious writer and I’m so happy I get to be part of your blogging journey.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 5, 2018 at 1:42 am

      Oh, what to say to my best blogging bud? Where would I even be without you? Probably staying up until 3AM every night reading articles on WPBeginner and trying unsuccessfully to get my brownie blog off of the ground. (You wanna go in on that brownie blog together? Totally open to some guest posts.) I knew from the very moment that I read your 90 cent Income Report that we were destined to blog together.

      Please send me more home workout videos. And then let’s eat some brownies together and make some crappy pins.

      And you know what? Screw alt attributes! YEAH I SAID IT.

      Reply
  2. Holly July 4, 2018 at 4:22 pm

    I am also in the parenthood humor niche, however I have teenagers. I don’t have very many views either. I only started in March. It can be difficult to find traffic to my blog. I too have realized that Pinterest is the way to go. I have a hard time staying focused when I am on Pinterest and tend to be all over the place. I start off looking at articles on how to relate to your teen and end up looking at dessert recipes. I love your weekly outfit section and get a laugh out of that! Keep it up Mom, before you know it you will be up to 50 views a day! -humorousholly.com

    Reply
  3. humorousholly July 4, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    I too am in the parenthood humor niche-accept mine is about teens. I am struggling with the same issues as you. I find myself on Pinterest for hours. I start looking at articles about how to connect with my teen and end up on a page about making brownies! I started my blog in March and I am still growing. I am having fun with it. I have a little more time than you as my kids are older, but it is still hard to maintain the momentum. If you ever need a friend I can relate. Keep up the great work! humorousholly

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 5, 2018 at 2:01 am

      Hi Holly! Oh man. the endless hours spent on Pinterest. It’s like all roads lead to dessert. I never even bake, yet I have a board full of like 4,000 desserts.

      I’m so glad you’re blogging–we need more mom humor blogs! It’s definitely a journey trying to figure out the whole blogging scene but I totally agree that you gotta have fun with it. Soon we will rule the world…or at least hit 50 daily views.

      Reply
  4. Marlene July 4, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    I love your blog!!! Like LOVE it!!! I’m always stifling laughter (to avoid waking the baby). And I find it full
    of practical nuggets to navigate everyday life and motherhood. ‘One day we will all be dust’ … definitely going to use that technique. New mantra for sure. Thanks for making my day Mother Haggard!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 5, 2018 at 2:12 am

      Marlene! This makes me so happy. Thank you for always reading! I hope Ma Hag can help you get through some of those 3 hour nursing sessions where you’re stuck under the baby and your water bottle is JUST out of reach…ah, I remember those days well.

      And YES, please feel free to use “One day we will all be dust” as your personal mantra! I find myself muttering it at all hours of the day, including while doing dishes, waiting in line at the grocery store and filing my income taxes. It works like a charm!

      Reply
  5. Jenny July 4, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    As I was reading this all I could think was FINALLY someone to talk to about how Jessica was kinda easy and Elizabeth was a bit boring. We should definitely start a facebook group dedicated to bloggers who blog about Sweet Valley High and how totally inappropriate it was for me to read (at age 12) about their college years (remember the one where they went back in time and Jessica did it in a collapsed building during the San Francisco earthquake of 1800 whenever?). And, also you are awesome. And Long Tail Keyword should be the name of a 80s cover band.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 5, 2018 at 2:27 am

      Jenny, I’m giddy over here. Can we PLEASE talk Sweet Valley High?! It’s all I want to do in life, ever. I certainly DO remember The Wakefields of Sweet Valley Saga…how could I not? There were twins named JESSAMYN and ELISABETH in it….just…wow. Perfection. The one that is forever burned into my brain because it was wayyyy inappropriate for me to read while in like 5th grade was All Night Long, where Jessica dates a college boy. They go swimming and he plays with her bikini strings. HER BIKINI STRINGS. Holy cow. Let’s start that Facebook group, STAT.

      SVH and Long Tail Keyword for life.

      Reply
  6. Hillary July 4, 2018 at 9:17 pm

    This made me laugh so much! I’m not a mother or a mother blogger but I am a chicken lady and a “lifestyle” blogger and I have all the feels you do. That look that says ”What have you done all day?”, I get from my boyfriend when he walks in at the end of the day and I’m exactly where he left me but with more grease and less appealing breath. Yes I’m there and the days I get zero views makes me want to scream after I have spent hours trying not to write my posts in a “passive voice” so that my readability has a green light and not the orange or God forbid red. If it’s red I contemplate trashing the entire post anyway cause clearly it’s CRAP. Thats why I’m getting the red right? It’s like the Internet is warning me that this was a disaster. I feel you and as I tell Brittany, I’m just glad I have someone that is going through this with me! I hate feeling like Golem. It’s a scary life. Keep it going girl!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 5, 2018 at 2:40 am

      Hi Hillary! Okay, first of all, I love that you describe yourself as a “chicken lady.” I’m gonna steal that even though I don’t have any chickens yet (although your guest post almost made me bite the bullet and go for it).

      The zero views days are ROUGH. Just ugh. And do not even get me started on those freakin’ ORANGE LIGHTS! They are destroying my life. I get so frustrated with them and trying to add more subheadings and not start five sentences in a row with the same word and taking the stupid stop words out of my slug (?! how is this a thing?) that I eventually just ignore the lights and publish. (Hmmm…could this somehow be related to my 5 page views a day?)

      Finding other bloggers going through this exact same thing has made all of this so much better. WE CAN DO IT. (Right? Probably? Let’s not be Golem.)

      Reply
      1. Lisa Kunkleman July 12, 2018 at 9:37 am

        What lights? What do you mean lights? I’ve been doing this for years. So many that my triplets are twenty-one and I’m now a grandma-to-be and writing about hot flashes and yet I have no lights! Why? How did I miss out on something so fun? It tells if I’m readable? Please tell me how to get lights of my very own. Why me? How do I miss out on the cool stuff?

        Reply
        1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:04 am

          Lisa! Have no fear. I can help. So Hillary and I are referring to a WordPress plug-in called Yoast SEO. It’s basically a plug-in that analyzes each blog post based on Readability and SEO. It uses a rating system comprised of different colors, like traffic lights: so a green light means good, orange means it needs improvement, red means it ain’t good.

          It’s a great plug-in and is certainly helpful in editing your posts so they read well and have SEO in mind. Trying to get your posts to the green light rating can be infuriatingly frustrating, though, which is what Hillary and I were joking about. But definitely download it and check it out!

          Reply
  7. joanna July 5, 2018 at 12:01 am

    Besides the humorous and well crafted writing, poppin’ graphics and family relation…i would subscribe to this blog for your exquisite use of GIFS alone! Bob in the raincoat is perfect. 2 thumbs up 👍👍

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 5, 2018 at 2:43 am

      Bob was all for you, my friend. I owe you that much after making you comment on every single Facebook Page post that I’ve ever done. You sure know how to treat a Hag right. <3

      Reply
  8. Sarah July 10, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    Hilarious! This is keepin’it real. Because who needs sleep, right? When you’re blogging, you eat, sleep and breathe the blog.

    So awesome. Now to find all your pages so I can like and keep up. More please!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 1:48 am

      It’s so true! No one tells you this when you decide to start a blog. THEY SHOULD TELL YOU! Eat, sleep, blog just about sums it up, even if your blog is just a “little fun side project”–ha! Ain’t no time for showering in there.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Sarah!

      Reply
  9. Emma July 10, 2018 at 6:15 pm

    Thank you for making me laugh until I snorted. This is all true. Perspective bloggers, beware!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 2:04 am

      The pleasure was all mine, Emma! I figure it’s probably good to toss a few posts like this into the sea of “HOW I MADE SIX MILLION IN MY FIRST TEN MINUTES OF BLOGGING” posts. I read way too many of those before I started to twitch and actually yell “boooooo” at the computer.

      Thanks so much for commenting—please keep laugh-snorting.

      Reply
  10. Victoria Shari | Arrow and Bliss July 10, 2018 at 6:50 pm

    Caught this from Mom to Mompreneur. I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE TOTALLY MY NEW BFF!!! I seriously sometimes forget to feed my children (unless I’m doing a recipe, then they have to wait 20 minutes while I take pictures, by which time the frittata is cold, but I got the shot!). I manage on popcorn and premixed margaritas and long island ice-teas while trying to get my happy go-lucky blog seen (by few who stumble upon it).

    Next, tell the story about how you went viral from telling the hilariously serious truth of blogging. I’M HERE FOR IT.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 2:21 am

      Are you me?!? I ate popcorn for dinner every single night last week! And my daughter mostly had cheese, but that’s because cheese is pretty much the only thing she wants to eat, ever. (Girl’s already got it figured out before the age of 2.)

      I just followed you on Pinterest. Let’s eat some popcorn and blog together. I’ll bring my case study notes on how to run an extremely unsuccessful blog. You bring the premixed Long Island Iced Teas. (Seriously, what am I doing, drinking lukewarm ginger ale most night?! So very much to learn.)

      Reply
  11. Erin July 10, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    I’m dying!! This post is so funny and SO frustratingly true…even down to the pinning dessert recipes -_-
    In all seriousness though, don’t doubt yourself. Your writing style is perfect and your content (and you) is incredibly relatable and relevant. I think you’ve got what it takes to make it to 30 views 😉

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 2:35 am

      Erin! What wonderful things to say—thank you! You’ve given me the boost I’ve been searching for to aim for 30 views. Or, you know what, let’s say 25. We’ve got a real teething situation going on right now and I’m functioning at about half percent.

      But seriously, I love your blog, and I’m so happy you stopped by. You should also know that I’ve pinned recipes for orange cinnamon rolls, Oreo-stuffed brownies and some kind of fancy cake today. WHY CAN’T I STOP?! I don’t even bake.

      Reply
  12. Leah July 11, 2018 at 12:05 am

    Oh my this is so hilarious, I am sharing. I am laughing so hard I am crying and my 12 year old just asked me what is wrong. This is the best ever. Best of luck. I remember chatting with you back when you had just chosen your name, which I really liked, never heard of Merle Haggard either. Maybe this will go viral and you will be,more famous than her. Lol

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 2:45 am

      Leah!! I totally remember chatting with you. You made me feel reassured when I was having doubts about choosing a mom blog name with “Hag” in it, so I have to thank you for that kindness. Thanks so much for reading and sharing!

      Reply
  13. jen July 11, 2018 at 12:33 am

    Ah! Funny! I want to be a success in blogging, in writing, in SOMETHING besides keeping small humans alive (some days that’s truly all I can say). I write for other people for money and so far my blog has netted me negative $300 (approx). So – I write fiction, mom blog (satire), science, pets, anything someone will pay me for… I do want to share this post I wrote because I think you might find it humorous! https://theundomesticgoddess.blog/2018/04/03/how-to-be-an-undomestic-goddess/

    The humor is similar to what I found on your blog! –Jen

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 2:55 am

      Hey Jen! Ah yes, I know the feeling well. I have dreams of writing a successful children’s book, or maybe a young adult series, or maybe even a novel, but I can barely pull off a blog post a week soooooo….probably gonna be awhile before any of those happen. But that’s awesome that you do actually get paid for some of your writing! Also, don’t forget that keeping small humans alive is a major success.

      Loved the designated laundry bed tip. So far I’ve been using my kitchen table—is that okay? Also the floor. Also not doing laundry at all.

      Reply
  14. Sowjanya July 11, 2018 at 1:52 am

    Heyy Samantha
    This post will definitely take you from 20 to 2000, this is the most enjoyable post I’ve ever come across in blogging tips section. You really made my day and loved, laughed n related to my daily routine.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 3:02 am

      Hi Sowjanya! I have to tell you, this comment made my day. I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. I’ll let you know if I make it to 2,000—I think I reached 300 views, which is beyond huge for ol’ Ma Hag. Thanks so much for reading!

      Reply
  15. Mary July 11, 2018 at 2:11 am

    Niche down! Yep, that is soooo easy. Except that I really couldn’t do it and ended up just writing about what came to mind haha! Have I earned anything? Lot and lots of wisdom! LOL!
    Seriously though, you found a follower in me 🙂

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 3:14 am

      You know what, Mary? I think it’s fun when blogs write about a lot of different subjects—it keeps things interesting! Niche UP, I say. Just niche it right up. It sounds like you’ve got the right attitude about blogging, and I’m going to try to adopt that, too. Our blogs are going to make us SO MUCH WISDOM! 😉

      Thanks so much for reading!

      Reply
  16. Rebecca @ Boss Single Mama July 11, 2018 at 2:36 am

    I alternated between laugh-crying and snort-laughing as I read this. Then it kinda transitioned to just crying ’cause this perfectly describes my blogging life so far. Only I don’t have brownies. I did somehow manage to help my kids eat an entire bag of powdered mini donuts today though, so #goals.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 14, 2018 at 3:25 am

      Wait, you shared your bag of powdered mini donuts with your kids instead of hiding it and eating it all yourself? You are SUPER MOM. You sound like my kind of people—I just followed you on Pinterest. Let’s laugh -cry/actual cry together about blogging traffic or just look at pretty pictures of dessert. Either works for me.

      Reply
  17. Laura July 11, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    🤣🤣🤣Loved it! Sharing everywhere . ❤️

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:05 am

      Thank you, Laura! So very glad you enjoyed!

      Reply
  18. Jennifer July 11, 2018 at 3:25 pm

    BEST BLOG POST ABOUT BLOGGING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything from the eating left over eggs and picking play dough off your LEGGINGS to Pheobes face is 100% relatable to my life as well. LOVED IT! =)

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:14 am

      Haha Jennifer, I love that you can relate to eating your child’s leftover eggs! That makes me feel really good— I’M NOT ALONE. I ate my daughter’s leftover toast for breakfast today.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post, and THANK YOU for commenting!

      Reply
  19. Cheryl July 11, 2018 at 8:51 pm

    Absolutely hilarious! As a blogger, I feel the pain! THANK YOU for this wonderful post. Shared it on my facebook page!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:19 am

      Hi Cheryl! Thanks so much for commenting and sharing! Blogging is a real…journey, shall we say? If nothing else, it’s a great excuse to eat ice cream on the couch every night while surfing Pinterest for “research.”

      Reply
  20. Charlie July 12, 2018 at 3:00 am

    Great Post! I could relate to 100% of it! Blogging is hard! I thought it was hard, but not this hard! I am in this stage right now and just keep saying “it’ll all be worth it, it’ll all be worth it, it’ll all be worth it!”
    http://www.livingtickled.com

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:30 am

      Thanks, Charlie! And YES about blogging being way harder than expected. Me six months ago: “Wouldn’t it be fun to start a little mom blog? I can put silly baby pictures and tell funny stories on it!” Me Now Every Single Night: AGHHH I NEED TO GET MY POSTS FINISHED FOR THE WEEK OR I’M GOING TO LOSE THE TWO READERS THAT I HAVE/ WHAT IS TAILWIND/ HOW IS IT 3AM ALREADY?!

      …It’ll all be worth it. It’ll all be worth it. It’ll all be worth it. 😉

      Reply
  21. Mohammed July 12, 2018 at 3:58 am

    Entertaining read. Great that you can joke about the whole process.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:35 am

      Thanks, Mohammed. It’s either joke about it or let Pinterest drive me insane, and I can’t let Pinterest defeat me. Right? Or maybe I can. I probably can.

      Reply
  22. Erin Beck July 12, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    I am laugh-crying so hard right now my FACE is literally TINGLING. I LOVE you for this! Aaaaah having a mommy company is being a tea-towel-wearing HOUSE ELF everyday enslaved to your blog. And we’re so HAPPY about it!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:49 am

      Erin, I am dying at “house elf.” What a perfect way to describe it! Although, really, most days it’s more like a “house gremlin” because I lack the magical charm of an elf. Or a “house ghoul” if my daughter wakes up at 4:45AM for the day (…WHY? just….WHY?).

      Thank you for this amazing comment, and I’m so happy you enjoyed the post! *looks at thirty piles of dirty laundry that need to be washed* *continues blogging*

      Reply
  23. Erin Beck July 12, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    Also what is your comment plug-in? I really like how it doesn’t force you to make an account, and that it lets you subscribe.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 1:59 am

      Hmm, I don’t think I have a specific comment plug-in. My blog’s theme is called “TheBlogger” which I purchased from Envato Market, so maybe the comment style is part of that theme? Not sure—I am horrible with pretty much all of the WordPress-techy stuff.

      However, the really huge subscription box at the bottom I did by going to “Customize” at the top of the blog, then “Widgets” and then “Footer Subscribe.” Then I added the Blog Subscriptions (Jetpack). I don’t think it’s supposed to be so huge (not exactly sure why it’s monstrous) but it made me laugh so I kept it. I hope this helps at least a little bit!

      Reply
  24. Millieq July 12, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    Lol. Especially liked the Facebook bit. 😀 I don’t get half the WordPress things either. Gravatar sometimes comes up in my blog website if I comment but I don’t even know why. 💕

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 2:06 am

      There’s only so much time you can spend on Google and WPBeginner before you give up and just go with it, right? Thanks for commenting!

      Reply
  25. Rose Barnett | Life Management for Moms July 14, 2018 at 1:05 pm

    Girl! This Blog Post HAS to take you to like 10k views before Autumn. EVERY SINGLE blogger has to relate to this. I actually just did a fb live in my becoming mom bloggers fb group about the reality of blogging because there are so many lies and myths. After chatting directly with bloggers who have made it, and watching several vids from long-time online gurus like Pat Flynn and Neil Patel, it is very clear that 95% of bloggers will -NOT- make any real money for 6 months to a year. I loved this post so much and hope all the best for you. I’m even going to share this TO my group to encourage the ladies there. It is open for members because we need to stick together in this. I see more and more this is the only way to get somewhere and stay motivated. https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingmombloggers

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 2:20 am

      Hi Rose! I’m so happy you liked the post! And YES about the realities of blogging! It sure isn’t what most of the blogging pins on Pinterest would have you believe. It’s good to have a healthy dose of reality mixed in there with all of the outrageous income reports. (Along these lines, one of my blogging buds, Dirt Noise Joys, did a post you may enjoy: a 90 cent income report. I highly recommend if you enjoy bloggers keeping it real! )

      https://dirtnoisejoys.com/2018/05/02/my-first-blog-income-report/

      Thanks so much for sharing in your group. I’ll have to check it out–I totally agree about mom bloggers sticking together! I may be receiving DREADFUL page views, but I’ve come in contact with some lovely bloggers who make it so much more fun. Thanks again for stopping by and reading 🙂

      Reply
  26. Elna | Twins Mommy July 14, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    Samantha,

    You have an amazing way of crafting content that’s relatable, humorous and supportive. I can see you have built a fan base with your posts on Facebook and on your blog.

    Starting a blog as a mom is hard! There was no way I would have started when my twins were a year old. I was zombie mom and I’m shocked that others are doing it with newborns!

    And I can relate to the no laundry, no sleeping and at times, have cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner phase! Keep on blogging mama!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 15, 2018 at 2:28 am

      Hi Elna! Thanks so much for this lovely comment. And what a reassurance to hear you didn’t start until your twins were older. I’m totally a zombie mom and still feel like I’m trying to get my act together. (…Not sure when this is going to happen, but it sure isn’t this week with my toddler’s molars coming in.) You’re a blogging inspiration, so I’ll hold on hope that I’ll find my blogging groove and hit that fabled 50 page view level.

      Also, cereal is life.

      Reply
  27. Nat July 17, 2018 at 12:36 am

    This! Is! Priceless! I remember those sleepless nights trying to figure out all those words/stuff you have mentioned. At the end of the day, I decided to stop stressing out about the pageviews. But it took me a while to understand what’s really important for me. Maybe, I just wasn’t born to become a six-figure blogger. Ah, yeah, I haven’t even made a two-figure yet…

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 20, 2018 at 12:59 am

      Hey Nat! Totally agree with you. It’s way too easy to obsess over page views, shares, re-pins and all of that jazz, when all I really want to do is write about Sweet Valley High and sweatpants (now THERE’S a good idea for a blog niche!). And Nat, I have faith in you—you’re totally a four-figure blogger, at least! (I’m currently working on the one-figure part.)

      Thanks so much for stopping by!

      Reply
  28. daydreams of a mum July 19, 2018 at 8:47 am

    Oh this is brilliant!!! Really made me giggle. I loved it when I saw it elsewhere so I’m really pleased someone chose it as their #blogcrush this week! Congrats!!!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard July 20, 2018 at 1:08 am

      I’m so glad you enjoyed! And hey, that’s exciting! I had no idea until you mentioned it here, so thank you for telling me! I have since made myself a celebratory t-shirt as well as sweatpants that say “#blogcrush” across the butt. My husband is confused but hey, he’s no one’s blog crush so how could he understand?! 🙂

      Reply
  29. Pingback: How to Create a Work at Home Mom Routine (That Actually Works) | Boss Single Mama

  30. Pingback: OOTD: Mom Blogger - Mother Haggard

  31. Sarah Garden September 21, 2018 at 6:15 pm

    Oh my gosh, this was hilarious…I am sitting here, eating cheese while I blog and so many of your examples fit me to a T! Totally featuring this in my “Helpful Bloggers” roundup coming out tomorrow! I am going to have my 3rd piece of cheese now…keep up the good work and we understand your pain and are right there with you, honey!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard September 25, 2018 at 1:09 am

      Thanks so much, Sarah–that was so nice of you to feature me! And YES cheese and blogging go so very well together, don’t they? And just cheese and life in general as well. We’ll both keep up the blogging and the blog cheese eating, and we’ll see where it gets us (…likely into some real nice stretch leggings which I am totally okay with).

      Reply
  32. April September 24, 2018 at 1:52 pm

    This was hilarious, and you have 60 something comments, so I’d say things are going well. And I’d love to be your blogger friend, but I must warn you, I’ve misplaced my funny abilities. I was hilarious when my kids were toddlers. No, I thought I was hilarious. Turns out my 4 boys were hilarious, and by repeating what they said people thought I was hilarious. Now I’m back to just middle humorous occasionally. So nice to meet you!

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard September 25, 2018 at 1:23 am

      Hi April! Yes, it’s so fun to actually have comments on a post for once! I’ve been trying to recapture this high ever since. Okay, let’s be blogger friends, even though you’re only part-way funny and I’m so sleep deprived that I often struggle to form a coherent thought. I think we’re gonna hit it off justtttt fine. (And yes, kids are hilarious. My toddler is starting to say some amazing things and I’m LOVING it. Hopefully she keeps it up for a few more years so I can get a few more Twitter posts out of it.)

      Reply
  33. Mandy October 24, 2018 at 4:57 am

    This is so funny because it’s so true! I love it. 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only one who has given up on every other aspect of life (mainly myself and my house) to work my butt off for $0/hour. 😀 You make me feel better about my sink full of dishes and greasy hair. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard November 29, 2018 at 7:49 pm

      Oh man, you are SO not alone with the dirty dishes, greasy hair, and empty banking account! Sometimes you have to prioritize between shaving your legs and finding a meme to share to your blog’s Facebook page, ya know? We’ll get to those dishes…one day.

      Thank you so much for commenting. And by the way, I love your blog!

      Reply
  34. Jo November 29, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    This post killed me. I was looking at how to become and overnight sensation (it was a dark time ok, I have candy cane in my hair, I haven’t showered in days and I CANNOT WATCH ANYMORE HALLMARK CHANNEL SO BY GOD I WILL FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WITH MY TIME) and happened upon it. Might I applaud your use of GIFs. Always a good way to get the message across. Also, Mallory? I’m totally a Dawn. Great work! I hope you get the following you deserve! I have 2 followers right now on theinternationalfarmwife blog and most people who find my blog seem to be middle aged people working in the agricultural industry that have taken a SERIOUS wrong turn on the internet somewhere.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard December 6, 2018 at 7:28 pm

      Based off of this comment, I totally think that I could be the Mary Anne to your Dawn. And by this, I mean let’s become friends through our mutual love of babysitting (blogging can substitute, I suppose), and then eventually have our parents get married and become step sisters. Yes? YES? Or maybe that’s too complicated. I haven’t showered in days. I’ll settle for blogging buds.

      Also, I feel like you could write some kind of holiday Hallmark movie based on having candy cane in your hair. Just think about it, okay?

      Reply
  35. Donna January 22, 2019 at 4:04 am

    Thanks Mother there’s a lot ofgood information here. I can use some of it for my adoption blog.

    Reply
    1. Mother Haggard January 23, 2019 at 4:38 pm

      You are very welcome, Donna! I hope it’s helpful for your blog, in some sort of way.

      Reply
  36. Pingback: How to Create a Work at Home Mom Routine (That Actually Works) - Boss Single Mama

  37. Sara July 9, 2021 at 4:10 am

    Hi there! New blogger up at 12am laughing out loud reading this because it describes my journey so far about 1 month in pretty much to a T. I actually dont even remember what I had searched that brought it up in my results I have so many things I’ve searched tonight. Thanks, I needed this laugh (altho my husband may disagree because it did wake him at 12am…oops!!) And now I’m off to find what babysitter I’d pick lol

    Reply
  38. pTherequestedURLwasnotfoundonthisserver. November 27, 2021 at 9:22 am

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